Limerick Competition 2011 - ENTRIES for Lochaber Highland Estates

Here are some entries from our Lochaber Highland Estates' Lairds, Lords and Ladies.  Thank

you all for your entries - some have been absolutely brilliant and some aren't quite the normal limerick we were expecting, but we love them and we are very grateful to you all for taking part! 

"Happy Birthday son, you are now a Laird:"
With a highland fling my Mum declared!
"You have one foot square
And a tartan to wear"
I swear "One day, I'll sit upon that wee Yaird!"

by LORD DANIEL LEE

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I'll sit in my tent upon Keil Hill
Beneath Ben Nevis, looking out at will
My four chil'n all look bonnie
As we gae o'er Loch Linnie
I'm a Lady of Lochaber, it's such a thrill!

by LADY CATHERINE TEED

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I come from a faraway land

That's full of old roos and sand

I dream as to whether

I'll stand in the heather

Out front of the Lochaber Grand

by LADY STELLA MCCOWEN

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Before I b'came Laird of Lochaber

Getting some was so much harder

Now this is vital

A crucial title

And I owe it all to Lochaber

by LADY ELISABETH POPP SAMBLEBEN

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A Laird of Lochaber, I'm told,

means my title is noble and bold.

The land's history I'll save

for Scotland the Brave

The future, for others, I'll hold.

by LADY JAQUELINE GAGE & JEANNIE GARVEN

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Scottish Fetish
There once was a husband and wife
Who received a title of land, not a knife
They loved everything Scottish
Some say it was a fetish
And now they are Highlanders for life.

As The Winter Thawed
There was a man and a woman who were bored
They visited the Highlands as the winter thawed
They had heard about a Lochaber title
And agreed this could be vital
And now they are a Lady and a Lord.

by PETA-LEE HOLT 

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There once was a Laird from Lochaber
Who loved every Lady he'd encounter
Tho' his money was few
He knew what to do
His Highland estate would enchant her

by LADY DEBORAH LIND

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There once was a Laird from Lochaber
Who'd looked nothing close to his father
He said with a dram
Held tight in is hand
I'm off to run the Exchequer

by LORD MYLES LIND

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There was a young(ish) women from Street

Who wanted a Lord to meet

She needed a solution

that perfect compution

To make her plan complete

If she was a Lady she'd become "top flight"

so she looked on the Locherber Estates website

their land/title combination

let to a wedding celebration

And Lady Barbie got that Royal invite!

by LADY BARBIE MARKEY

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Of green and tree and brook

Lochaber was worth a look

I paid the fee

Then "lord" said thee

And off to the beauty I took

by TISME TINTIN

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I enjoy being decked out in plaid

It's really my way to be clad

As a Laird of Lochaber

I look a heart throbber

but my wife thinks me stark raving mad

I suppose I should feel rather naughty

As a Laird I should sing like a Scottie

But I suffer no guilt

when the winds up my kilt

as the breeze gets me all Pavarotti

by BEN D

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Last year, in some pretty foul weather,

I struggled through peat and through heather.

I located the spot

Wherein lies my plot,

Now my family can own it forever.

by LORD KEITH LINDSAY

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There once was a Lord from Glencoe.

Who thought he was a little hero.

He went camping on his pot,

wearing just one sock.

But this proves he's just a weirdo.

by LORD LUKE HEIN

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Lochaber's a place when first seen
With mountains and lochs so serene;
"When put to the test
It's the place I love best,"
said the Lord as he surveyed the scene


by LORD C DRONSFIELD


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A Maid with a voice just like thunder
came from Oz to the Highlands of Wonder
At Glencoe she'd say
Not "Hello", but "G'day!
I've come over from over Downunder"


by MRS KATHERINE CROSS


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Owning land of my fathers’ before,

Who really could ask any more?

I’ve planted a tree,

Where the red deer run free,

And the eagles above dip and soar.

by LADY LOU

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Laird Letchwerth has a Cairn Terrier named Mac

He has a brindle coat that is now turning black

The highlands are his roots

So when he kicks the boot

To the highlands his ashes and soul will go back

by LAIRD LETCHWERTH

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Toasting to Lairdhood and Deed,

Of a sudden, I felt a wee need.

Crimson with guilt

I lifted my kilt

And upon my wee plot, I wee'd.

Often my thoughts roam astray.

If Burns were alive today,

In eloquent Erse

What inspiring verse

Might he pen of a Lochaber brae?

by LAIRD BRUCE ELGIN SHAW

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Their was a young Aussie in Gloucester
Who had a fair lady but lost her
To Laids Woods he did got
And did purchased a plot
Then sat drowning his sorrows with fosters

by NATHANIEL MOORE

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A young-hearted Cameron from the States

Thought that living in Scotland was great.

Instead of staying at home

Through Lochaber she roamed

And now owns two Highland Estates!

There was a young woman whose suitor said,

"You'll be a Lady if you and I wed."

But she dreaded the life

She would have as his wife

And purchased a plot at Lochaber instead!

by LADY KAREN CAMERON

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There was a Man from Dover,
Who rushed through a field of Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his Face and knees,
He soon went back to Dover.

by LORD JOSEPH GRANGE

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There is a young man, quite a failure

Who fancied some royal regalia

But the closest he got

Was a Lochaber plot

In Scotland, when he’s in Australia!

There was a young man in Australia

Who fancied some royal regalia

But the closest he got

Was a Lochaber plot

And a postcard with which to asail ya!

There was a young man in Australia

Who got off on the royal regalia

But the closest he got

Was a Lochaber plot

And no swelling in his genitalia!

In hindsight, they’re all a little negative. Perhaps…

There was a young man in Australia

Who fancied some royal regalia

He looked ‘round a lot

Bought a Lochaber plot

And all of the paraphernalia!

But it really lacks a punch line.

by LORD ROB BASSETT

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A dashing young Scotsman who cared
For the Highlands and greenwoods declared,
"Lassies swooned where they stood,
When I showed them my wood,
For I am a Lochaber Laird!"
 

by LADY ANNE PATTI

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alloft in the high mists of scotland,

a wee lass, ventured down to landsend,

for her heart- always true,

fair scotland, she loves-you,

and now her names part of your proud land,

by LADY FIONA MILNE

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The beautiful highlands unfold
The whispers of heaven I'm told
With sights to be seen
For I've never been
I'll see you before I grow old

by INGRID MILIKEN

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high on a hill in lochaber,

a poor boy from which he couldnt be further,

he bought a seed and some land,

to conserve something grand,

for which he now couldnt be been prouder

by LORD MICHAEL JAMES PETERS

 

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Phil an' claur tae gretna they fled.

An' whilst up thaur got secretly wed.

Whilst walkin' in Troon

Discussin' their honeymoon

"Och Hameldaeme" she said 

by LORD PHILIP PARSLOW

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Th' Laird an' quine ay lochaber ur installed
Th' parslaws ay brum they ur called
Wi' a grandad frae clyde
Gart a prood scottish bride
Wi' somethin' new, borrowed, blue an' auld
 
by LADY CLARE PARSLOW

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The beautiful highlands unfold
The whispers of heaven I'm told
With sights to be seen
For I've never been
I'll see you before I grow old

by LAIRD JOHN MILLIKEN

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Owning land in Lairds Wood is great

To see it I hardly can wait

One has to be calm

It isn’t a farm

Just a gift for me and my mate.

by LADY JILLIAN PETERS

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When I was young and wee

‘Twas plain for all to see

That far away lands

Their seas and their sands

Were not my cup of tea

I knew my mum and dad

Escape from all the mad

To mountains and trees

A light  brisk Highland breeze

‘Tis Scotland that makes them so glad

To check what they find dear

Me and my camping gear

Plus stout walking sticks

Jumped on the M6

And they waved me goodbye with a cheer

Soon I was Northward bound

First steps onto Scottish ground

I swear, through my boots,

I could sense my mum’s roots

Heaven on Earth I had found

So gobsmacked was I gave a sign

Made my mum’s Christmas shopping that time

Scot reluctance to waste

But always with taste

So easy ‘twas almost a crime

Christmas, so early to rise

And couldn’t believe my eyes

This is so declared

Oh Wow! I’m a Laird

What a wonderful, brilliant surprise

Scotland, the best you can get

But I know of the constant threat

Each Lochaber Laird

Intent and love shared

Will do all that we can, you can bet

So, Sassenachs, get on your horse

Us Lochaber Lairds are a force

You won’t wear us down

Each plot is a crown

(That’s a statement of fact, of course)

The fate of each piece as sealed

Between us, we form a strong shield

Attacks won’t prevail

All attempts, they will fail

Lochaber Lairds will not yield

by HOWARD CHEETHAM

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There once was a small piece of land,

That some say was made by God’s hand,

It may just be Heaven,

As it’s certainly not Devon,

As there is no hope of getting a tan!

by LORD CAMERON SHAW 

 

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A lord or lady sounds quite grand 

Even more so when it LOCHABER HIGHLAND 

To become a lady or a lord 

You don't even have to buy abroad 

To own a plot is just great 

You feel as regal as Will and Kate

by LADY CAROL PHILLIPS

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There was a young lady from Kent
Who was loved wherever she went.
She got title and land
(Which she thought rather grand)
In Lochaber, a place heaven sent.

by LADY SUZANNE KING

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Two farmers with lofty ambition

Embarked on a most royal mission

Bought Lochaber Estate

Lord and Lady,just great!

And did not regret their decision.

  
by LORD PHILLIP BROWNLIE
 

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"Lords and ladies who have in their heart to inspire,Scotland their desire and Lochabar to inspirewith trees higher than spires.Lords & ladies all, create these spiresSaying to the Almighty: Glory to youand peace, through the truth of the leaves.For peace is the fruit of aspiring and desiring."

by LORD PAUL WILKIE

 

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A wonderful swordsman is our dashing Lord Grady,

Who dispatched most till they cried out Mayday,

But his last opponent was foreign,

Who swiftly attacked near his sporran,

Which is why the lord is now known as a lady!

There was a man fished out of the harbor,

Who was sadly in need of a barber,

At first he looked foreign,

But by the size of his sporran,

He was known as the Lord of Lochaber.

There was a bald Lord called Martin,

Whose head was incredibly Spartan,

So he wore a black hat,

But that made him look fat,

Until he covered it in his favorite tartan.

by LORD RICHARD ROLFE

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There was a wannabe Scot from Australia,

Who felt that her life was a failure,

Then she bought a Lochaber Estate,

Now I happily relate,

She’s a Lady who wears Lochaber regalia.

by LADY PATRICIA DRAPER

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There once was an Aussie called Kate,
The Lady bought a Lochaber Estate,
She didn’t marry Will,
But received something better still,
A slice of Scottish heaven damn straight.
 

by LADY KATE ECONOMOU

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Real beer will spread good cheer m'dear
Try macabee with guiness when you're near
But i would wind up drinking red stripe
Which will rust my every pipe
But after drinking Scotch ale i couldn't care

by PAUL HAYWARD 

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There was an old couple from Aus

Whose ambition to be royal it was

They killed two birds with one stone

Called Lochaber their own

And secured a right royal pos!

by LADY LORRAINE BROWNLIE

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The Man was from Sydney Harbour

To go places he had to try harder

He went on a website

Spent 50 bucks in one nite

And now he’s a Lord of Lochaber

 by LORD JOSEPH MCGRAIL BATEUP

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A Scotsman of Lochaber Highland

Thought "how proud am I this is my land."

He picked up a pen

And wrote of the glen

Til cramps made a stump of his righ' hand.

In Scotland i'll soon have my home built

Wherever my wandering heart wilt.

I'll pick up the pipes 

And end all my gripes

And treasure the freedom of my kilt.

Each time I go wandering Scotland,

I wish to the stars I had got land.

When I first had the chance

I'd no cash in me pants.

So now I'm left living with naught land.

I'm a very respectable man

From a very respectable clan.

But when good love is sparse

I get drunk off me arse

And find pleasure wherever I can.

by LARRY TAYLOR

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How would you like a Highland Estate?
Let me tell you right now, it feels great!
Let me point out, and say,
In a small sort of way,
You'd be up there with William and Kate.

And Lochaber's a mighty fine place,
That will sure put a smile on your face.
You know you'd feel good,
As you stroll through Lairds Wood.
'Midst the nature that's there to embrace.

There are views there that just can't be found,
If you searched the whole world around.
Be you Lady or Laird,
What could be compared,
To owning a piece of that ground?

by ALLAN MUNRO

There was a young girl called Mc.Clabber.

(With that name she knew no man would have her).

She can now reminisce,

Of when she once was “Miss”.

For now she is Lady Lochaber.

by ROBERT RICHARDSON

Lochaber , Lairds, Lords and Lady's, to that  I relate

So, are we the envy of Wills and Kate ?

The Highlands, its beauty, kilts and  whisky

Not a care in the World, and dare a say "frisky"

Not heir  to thorn - and not owned by the state

by RICHARD FRYER

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My family was firm and demanding

That my plot was bought for my passing

When I found out the size

I did realise

I would have to be buried standing 

by CHRIS HARLAND 

 
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ON THE WAY TO SEE FRIENDS UP IN GAIRLOCH,

LAIRD JAMES LOST HIS WAY NEAR LOCH RANNOCH,

AS THE WEATHER WAS GOOD,

HE CAMPED IN LAIRD'S WOOD,

AND NOW WON'T GO HOME TO LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH 

by JAMES HAZELDEN

 
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From Fort William there hailed a young Squire
To the moon he was tuned by a wire
His laptop he'd use
Till it blew a large fuse
And he came down to Earth in Kintyre!

From Lochaber there came a young lass
Endowed with a real bit of class
She married a man
With a white camper van
And held all traffic up in the Pass!

I knew a young man from Glencoe
Wo decided to wander and go
From his homeland so wild
And he fathered a child
Now he's back with his family in tow!
 

by EILEEN C YOUNG

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There was a Young Lord from Lochaber,

Known in Laird's Wood as a Cockabur, 

He stood on his Parcel,

And yelled his name Marcel, 

And proclaimed I'm really a Scottish Chauffeur. 

by LORD PAUL D. BURROWS

  
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There was a young Geordie called Graeme

Who’s plot at Lochaber was plain

With a look at Loch Linnhie

He said hadaway hinny

I’ll never leave here again

by GRAEME TODD

 
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There was a fine Lady of Scotland,
Who bought a nice plot for her husband;
And the beauty of the plot,
Bedazzled her a lot,
So she didn´t want to leave the woodland.

by GERULF H. T. KLAUSEN 

 
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There once was a lady of Lochaber,
Who was bought a small plot to look after,
She could neither sit nor lay on it,
So she cried in her bonnet,
I'll have another square metre dear husband the year after!

by LADY SAMANTHA STEVENS 

 
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